Category Archives: Silliness

Just plain silly.

Anapestic tetrameter

There’s a wonderful, simple online service called The Listserve. Sign up and you receive a daily email . . . which is written by one of the 21,000+ other people who have also signed up for the service. (This also means you might get picked to write an email and have it sent to all of the group, but that’s a story for another day.)

The emails come from all across the globe — the authors often share their gratitude of being selected and hope they don’t waste this enormous opportunity (the service, after all, bills itself as an “email lottery”). More often than not, the note contains attempts at grand philosophies or suggestions on how you should live your life. Sometimes, it’s just a story, or even just rambling.

But on August 3, 2012, someone named Wesley Brown from Ardmore, PA, was the holder of the golden ticket. And his post was immediately, and forever since, my favorite. There hasn’t really been a reason to share it, though, until today — which would have been Dr. Seuss’ birthday. So here it is:

Hello there, Listservers! I hope you’ll enjoy
A message that’s based on a Seussian ploy

If you want to write poems the Seussian way
Anapestic tetrameter brooks no delay

But Seuss saw this form in its hard, rigid glory
And said ‘Hey, I can do it, and tell quite a story

‘While doing it, too, it will be my new tool
In telling kids things that they won’t learn in school’

When he came to a line that just wouldn’t quite flourish
He’d pluck up a word from thin air, and he’d nourish

That young little word, brand new to the world
And he’d place it in just the right spot, where it whirled

Where it danced and it sang like a fresh coat of paint
Over language grown solemn and tempered and quaint

The words he invented were zong, zax and zillow
And grinch, nerd and vipper, they were bofa and yekko

They told all the stories he needed to tell
And they broke through a form that would otherwise dwell

In the musty old drawers of the humorless past
He made it seem joyous, a form that would last

In the memories of every young kid who was read
From a Dr. Seuss book before going to bed

And so, if I’m going to be true to my muse
I’ll leave with a moral that you all might just use

Dr. Seuss saw a dark thing and turned it to light
If we all do the same, the world sure will be bright.

The day I received it, I wrote Wesley a thank you email. While I didn’t hear anything back, maybe a better ‘thank you’ is simply to re-post his tribute. I just think it’s perfectly done, and there’s no harm in sharing a smile. Or a literary lesson in anapestic tetrameter.

What Justin Bieber does after trick-or-treating

Sung to the tune of Justin Bieber’s Boyfriend (yes, yes, I know, I have a 6-year-old daughter).

If you trade me Whoppers I’d never let you go
Got so many Reese’s you ain’t never seen befo
Baby take your hands off my only Tootsie Ro
So much candy on the table that it’s spilling on the flo
Snack
Snack
Snack
With you
Sitting on the couch while our stash we go through
I don’t know about Spree but I love Baby Ruth
So say hello Caramello in 3 2
Snack

I’d like to eat, everything I want
Hey girl, let me trade with you

After trick or treating, I never eat alone
Stashing all my Snickers, you can have my Smarties roll
I could eat your 100 Grand, before you’d ever know
After trick or treating, I never eat alone

Tell me what you like, yeah tell me what you don’t
I’d trade a Mr. Goodbar for your Necco wafer roll
Girl give me them Skittles I can taste the rainbow
Maybe trade some Starburst for that Henry O

Mmmmmm

Funsize Funsize Everything is funsize
Can’t believe my eyes this tiny thing is fun size
A moment on the lips but a lifetime onna my thighs
I would trade this Take 5 for anything that’s full-size
Snackie

After trick or treating, I never eat alone
Stashing all my Snickers, you can have my Smarties roll
I could eat your 100 Grand, before you’d ever know
After trick or treating, I never eat alone

So give me your Mounds, cuz that’s all I need girl
Trade your Mounds for these Nerds I’ll be calling you my best friend
For those M&Ms, what do you need girl?
Not a Kit Kat girl are you crazy

After trick or treating, I never eat alone
Stashing all my Snickers, you can have my Smarties roll
I could eat your 100 Grand, before you’d ever know
After trick or treating, I never eat alone

The Amazing Mumford & Sons

The Amazing Mumford & Sons

“I gave you allllllllll . . . a peanut butter sandwiches.”

(But seriously, if you haven’t given the new single “I Will Wait” a listen, you really should. It’s awesome.)

Why I like Twitter, reason #412

The best conversations take place face-to-face. You can start a good discussion on Facebook. But when you’re forced to 140 characters or less, you’ve got to be awfully clever if you want to have some fun.

Michael Galante is awfully clever.

@kurtvan: “I before E except after C” is a weird rule.

@mikegalante: i c what you did there

@kurtvan: Sadly, only eight others did ;)

@mikegalante: aint rocket science

@kurtvan: Most people aren’t observant neighbors like you.

@mikegalante: society is grammar deficient #allday

@kurtvan: I forfeit.

@mikegalante: Im reigning champ

 

If I worked for Sesame Street…

I’d sit and write things like this. All. Day. Long. (Apologies to Gotye.)

A buddy of the letter O

A buddy of the letter O

Now and then I think of all my favorite letters
Like N and S and D and F, G, H and I
Told myself to write you more than E
Even if you look like Q and C
But that’s OK because I always liked you better

You can be there sitting fifteenth in the alphabet
Situated after the N, always the N
It’s so clear why you’re so easily found
Right in the middle, living large and round
But I’ll admit that you are still my favorite vowel

You help spell words like on and off
Starting words like out and over, olive, ostrich, and oven
And we can see you’re nice and round
You don’t have any of those edges that can feel so rough
You end fun words like to and fro
Wind up in the middle of cookies, noodles, mom, pop and footer
Can’t make words without you though
That’s why I’m such a buddy of the letter O

That’s why I’m such a buddy of the letter O
That’s why I’m such a buddy of the letter O

Now and then I think of all the different sounds I utter
Some with a short o sound like hot and mop and got and pot
But then there’s words like so and go
Ones that have a really nice long o
Sounds good whether fast or slow
So is it any wonder I’m a buddy of the letter O

You help spell words like on and off
Starting words like out and over, olive, ostrich, and oven
And we can see you’re nice and round
You don’t have any of those edges that can feel so rough
You end fun words like to and fro
Wind up in the middle of cookies, noodles, mom, pop and footer
I can’t make words without you though
That’s why I’m such a buddy of the letter O

[x2]
A buddy
(Of the letter O)
A buddy
(Now I’m just a buddy of the letter O)

(the letter O)
(Of the letter O)
(the letter O)
A buddy